March 2003 40th Birthday Drunken Speech

The great actor Peter Ustinov once said

"I do not believe that friends are necessarily the people that you like the best, they are merely the people who got there first". After listening to Clifford and Seileen, I am wondering how much of that I am now in agreement with.

40 years old. It is a rather surprising space to be in. I honestly never thought I would reach this age. Hell, as many of you know, for many years I had been told that I would not live to see 30 so this rather a pleasant surprise.

40 I can deal with. The words "Middle Aged" I am not too sure of. Luckily I asked Val at what point one can be considered middle aged to which she immediately replied "5 years older than whatever your current age is, darling." So that is a relief.

On that note, I must say Val, that we are going to have to do something about this "mother son" thing as people are starting to get a little confused when they find out that you are only 45 and my mother.

When I realized that I actually was going to turn 40, I sat down with Julia and said that what I wanted more than anything in the world was a lovely evening celebrating with my best friends. I had in mind a small intimate dinner with my favorite people in the world and so she responded that that sounded terrific and I should give her a list of my bestest friends.

The next day I sat down and started putting that list together and realized, as I did so, that there was no restaurant in the Washington area big enough to hold this small intimate gathering of my very best friends. So.,…….here we are and I want to thank Julia and Val, Jeff and Chris and everyone who has made this such a wonderful and special night.

What is truly remarkeable is that, as I look around this room, I can see friends who have been part of my family and were not only present at my 30th but at my 21st and 18th birthdays as well. The fact that we are still here together over 20 years later is rather extraordinary and hearwarming. On second thought, that cant be me….it must just be that you all will travel to extraordinary lengths for a free drink.

On that note, some of you have traveled a long way indeed. In particular, we have the British contingent who have traveled all the way from the UK, Sarah and Mark. From California we have Micheal Mullen, From Denver .. Seileen and Steve……..New York….Anne and Melinda. Delaware…..Nancy and Jenny and I am sure there are others.

As I was getting ready for the evening, and looked in the mirror, I reflected on the fact that we are all looking rather good for our ages. I think that we all agree that we can chalk that up to the life lessons taught to us and I want to thank Val and Cliff for teaching Julia and I the importance of

Sobriety……Moderation……Restraint…….Frugality……Discretion…Tact …Temperance ……Chastity ……. Conservatism… and clean language.

Fuck No! Wait a minute. That's right. I want to thank all of you for teaching us the evils of those things and to avoid them at all costs!

Being serious for a minute……..For many people growing up as teenagers in the 1980's we were forced, due to rejection by our biological families, to create our own families of friends. I have always been blessed with the best of both worlds as, not only has my biological family been my best friends and partners but I have always had the support and love of a huge circle of friends from all walks of life and so many of you are here with me tonite.

Not only are there many of you whom I have known for most of my life, but many new faces whom I am proud to call friend.

Samuel Johnson once said "If a man does not make new acquaintances as he advances through life, he will soon find himself left alone. A man, Sir, should keep his friendship in constant repair."

I remember my father saying to me late one night many years ago, during a period of particular difficulty for the family, that if a man has enough friends that he can count on the fingers of one hand… and by that I mean friends who would drop anything, do anything, give anything without hesitation and who love you unconditionally and without restraint, that you would be an extraordinarily lucky man. If that is the case, and I believe it to be true, then, looking around at all of you, and knowing that I feel the way about you that you do about me, then I must be the luckiest man in the world for I am blessed with more friends, more support and more love than any man I know.

I therefore raise my glass, not to my own 40th birthday, but to thank you for your support, your love, your confidence and trust, and most importantly….your friendship.

There is an old toast which goes as follows:

May you never lie, steal, cheat or drink.
But if you must lie, lie in each others arms.
If you must steal, steal kisses,
If you must cheat, cheat death
And if you must drink, drink with your friends.

Here is to you!